Sunday, November 17, 2013
Day 320 - Schism
I know the pieces fit cause I watched them fall away...
I'm afraid my thin mask to fit in with a normal group has cracked again. At least the second time I've basically had a panic attack, fight or flight response, to the pressures of fitting in. That's always fun, feeling like crawling out of your skin so much all you can do is run from the situation.
I know the pieces fit cause I watched them tumble down...
Quirks in my personality, the very ones that drew me to goth clubs, culture and people in the first place, have been hidden behind a facade for a long time. There's an unspoken acceptance between people in that kind of underground subculture, we know we don't fit in with a huge amount of people. And those people feel equally out of place in our world.
I can't keep hiding, picking up this increasingly shattered mask. Besides, once you try putting the pieces back a couple times, it's never really the same, the cracks always show, larger each time. I'll use pieces when I need to, like with a client, but no more of this.
There was a time when the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
The mask I wear is chipped and cracked. It has seen better days. It still smiles when I can't. It still hides the fear. But there are still times when the fear grabs hold and the anxiety hits, and it hits hard. The weight on my chest is unbearable, I can't breathe. It takes absolutely everything that I have to not give in. To not give up. I was hoping to have answers by this time in my life, but I don't. The only time I feel comfortable in my skin is when I'm in my element at work. I'm good at what I do, and that gives me the confidence I need to get through. I wish that would translate into everyday life. Fingers crossed.
ReplyDelete