Fail!!

I think it goes without saying, I've not done well with the whole work/life balance, failing to dedicate time to this, and me. Considering starting over after my family visit next week.

Day 31 already

Heart aches for families involved in the latest tragedy...helplessness, fear, despair..losing a loved one so violently,  No true reason why...eats at me everyday..wish I could tear my heart, emotions out and forget...

Day 25

Heard a couple people ask if today - 121212 - was the end of the world. Mathematical anomaly, yes..end of the world, no.

Mayans, your up! Y2kers, millennial freaks...bring it, you've got nothing on zombie apocalypse.

Day 24

Who in their right mind starts a project like this, knowing the first month would coincide with possibly the busiest work load ever?! Apparently THIS idiot, that's who! Almost over with these 2 phases at work, then onto holidays with family, then hitting this head on.

With all this overtime, I've debated being a grown up and paying things down & saving....or a new tattoo. Tattoos are a good test of endurance, right? Pain threshold and all that?? As tempted as I am, think I will take the middle road....found shooting lessons for half the price of my tattoo. Seems like a practical compromise. Be warned, I will have a c&c within a few weeks.

Day 19

One of the few coworkers I would look for if the dead start traipsing around thought I should start my weapons training small. Well, at least someone is getting prepared...maybe my Doozer can join the team!

Day 14...I think

Very, very long week...the usual sedentary week at work was replaced with multiple 12+ hour days in a row. Endurance test, with less adrenaline than fleeing on foot for your life, surely. Feel like my feet are about to fall off, and my mind is so spent I couldn't keep straight what floor I was on or going to.

On the bright side, I had forgotten one of my coworkers is also a police officer, familiar with all the local shooting ranges. My silly blog may have scored me some shooting lessons. All of you should be proud - he asked if I wanted to learn handgun, shotgun or rifle; my reply was any & all. Better to have a grasp on as many recoils, loads, etc as possible.

Day 9

I knew this journey would be multi-faceted and include changes in my perception about how people live. Little did I know how quickly, or dramatically, this would happen.

Spent almost half the weekend in a miserable, bitchy mood, angry at almost everyone or everything. I did my little Thanksgiving for 1, tried to dig out the holiday decorations and spirit. Ended up so angry I wanted to throw ornaments (at least they  are plastic) around the apartment. Really, furious rage at a stinking ornament.

Took me a while to figure out the problem - disgust with consumerism, outrageous levels of consumption and mass production. Most of all, disappointment with myself for participating. I will still decorate, but more vintage and in my own personal style.

As far as gifts, promises to communicate more with family and friends. Those would be the things that matter, not toys or video games or electronics, that could keep us all alive in the end. Just a little thought to munch on...

Day 8

I've been considering what practical skills i have that could help a group last in a world over run with the living dead. not only physical - I've jumped back into that full bore with my old combo of weights and cardio.

There are the domestic skills - cooking, laundry, taking care of others. Then there are the more professional skills - I can read floor plans, know how to design structures without them falling on my head, help pick a safe location. Helpful, yes, but then what? Feel like I should diversify or else likely be on the domestic side of things.

So, I've begun researching herbal remedies - a head start on first aid and guidance for my window garden. I do plan to take basic first aid classes, but knowing which natural options can act as antibiotics, pain reducers and such, is a skill most of my generation have never considered.

So far a little disappointed by what I've found...knowing ho to naturally cure a wart seems little help in the big picture. Did find out that garlic can be good for small wounds...hell, I don't even know what a garlic plant looks like while it is growing...crap, lots to learn.

Day 7 - barely

So quiet...feel I could sink into this abyss and go unnoticed, heart and mind shattering the whole way...is there anyone listening, anywhere? I wonder, is it better to sink into delusion, think people are here and aware, than its is to face isolation...to face the soul-less masses in a blaze of glory, blades & blood, or fade away... I spend a lot of time like this, alone, hoping for a future with more. Those I love are in my heart, but miles can blur..things go wrong best I could hope is to head towards them or meet in middle, otherwise its me & me.. Countless people have asked that, I'm sure I'm not the first or the last.. can anyone hear me?

Day 6

Cool, crisp November morning, quite in the streets around me. Seemed like a good time to take a friend out for a supply run. We head down the deserted streets, when we start to hear shuffling behind us.

"Head into that alley, be very still," I tell her. We duck down behind a dumpster, watching horrified as a horde limps its way past us down the block. Once the group has cleared, we climb atop the dumpster, up a few levels of a rusting fire escape to see what has attracted such a large group.

We can see them down the street, tearing something apart before moving onto the next block and doing the same...

My friend turns to me, and asks, "Why are they so vicious? They all look like they've feed recently."

"I don't think they have any control over it, some kind of impulse that remained from their living days to consume," I tell her, taken aback by the ravenous nature of this display.

"Its barbaric, so chaotic..." she tells me, eyes widen with fear.

Its Black Friday...

Day 5 - Thanksgiving

Today is a day for giving thanks... I'm thankful to live in a world most take for granted, with abundant food, drink, shelter, heat.

For the technology that can keep us connected, regardless of where we are in the country or the world.

For the luxuries we have, like appliances, grocery store chains, parades with silly giant balloons, creepy clowns, a big Santa Claus finale, make the contrast of a world plagued with death, scarcity, seem like a bad dream.

Don't take these things for granted...

Day 3

Short one today - I don't anticipate writing every day, but a couple things stuck in my mind at the moment.

Didn't work out tonight, fell into the trap of coming home, curling up with some wine and trying to drown my thoughts. Still on track with  my calories for the day, even with the wine and without the workout, so that's a bonus.

Went out with my co-workers for lunch - one girl is leaving and tomorrow is her last day. Team dynamics are a funny thing...I never feel so isolated as I do when I am with a group that doesn't understand me that well and may not have the capacity to even follow my uniqueness (putting it nicely).

I can be in Detroit, or NYC, or even here with a few people, knowing without question we could all survive together, the trust is there but so is the knowledge that comes with long, deep friendships. But here alone, how would I go about building a band to fight together? Or would I just become the crazy, well fortified recluse?

Also bemoaning my lack of a boy at the moment, but that is another topic for another day.

Food for future thought - roles within a team, who/professions to include, what skills would be valuable? For now, I'm going to hope the world isn't thrown into chaos while I sip my pinot noir in my cushy apartment. I'm going to do some research and develop a list of stereotypical characters in survivor teams - what role would you play?

Day 2 - Must workout....

About 2 months ago, I rediscovered something about myself...I can run if I need to. However, the mad dash from the mass transit terminal, through airport security, to my flight gate (that last leg done without shoes because it may have taken too much time to put them back on), also proved how out of shape I am. How in the world am I supposed to flee from a horde of decomposing brain munchers if I can barely make a plane? Other than hoping to not be the slowest in a group or that I could trip someone along the way?

Ding, ding, ding...winning answer would be cardio, lots of cardio with other physical achievements along the way. I've never really been in shape most of my life, so this will all be a bit new to me. There was a time when I was at a goal weight, decent muscle definition, but that lasted only a few months.

Brings me to today. Completely exhausted, lack of sleep combined with running around my office building most of the day left me drained. Usually I wouldn't even try to workout after a day like today, probably go home, have too much wine and fall asleep. Today I made myself workout, 45 minutes of cardio at a quick pace so I was sweating and breathing hard. First few minutes were a struggle, but most of the time flew by. I doubt sleep will be fleeting tonight.

Small victory on this long road; tomorrow is another day and another chance to keep heading away from the hoard.

Day 1

Naturally, I don't honestly think there will be a zombie apocalypse in the near future. I need some kind of motivation, since I've been unable to get my act together on my own so far. Why not combine my love for graphic novels, strong but damaged characters, and my goal to be a healthy, strong, well rounded person. Vampires have been overdone, never really been that into werewolves, but a zombie hunter..hmm..there is something an average person with no super powers can become.

In fact, well written stories of zombie survivors focus more on the dynamics within a group, how people can help each other continue living, and the overall social impacts from the collapse of our materialistic society of convenience.

I plan to document this first year of my journey here - I've no illusion that I will master all the skills I want, or even be able to try them all, but that's part of the point. This is more than just losing weight, its overcoming some demons in my own mind, like self confidence and a tendency to mentally beat myself up. In a way, this reinvention of myself will be like starting a new life, letting go of my bad habits, improving on the good ones.

This, and I, am a work in progress. Send me suggestions, help me stay motivated and hold me accountable!!