day 352 - solstice (take 2)

Oops, it appears I accidentally deleted the first post...here's to hoping I can rewrite enough to carry my point again.

Today is solstice, so I am having my own personal celebration. No deities, no ceremony, just reflecting on light & dark, makng a hearty winter meal with candles all around as I'm sure apartment management would frown upon a bonfire on the back lot.

Very significant for me this year, as I feel like I am emerging from a dark period in my life. Heading into this new year, I'm more hopeful, balanced and open than I have been in a lng time. I would not exchange that dark phase though, for I am much stronger now and uderstand my self more.

It's only been about  month since I feel so re-centered, but I'm enjoying the newfound peace.

Day 341 - small victories

Between the fasting, eating better/less often, and working out this past month, I've lost a pant size. Awesomeness!

Day 335 - fasting

For the last 3 weeks, I've been fasting for a day with a friend - well, more like 36 hours, but who's counting. It's been challenging, but I'm enjoying the results. I'm much more aware of what I'm putting into my body, the reactions I have from certain things when I do eat, and decreased cravings for junk I know I shouldn't consume.

I feel like I'm giving my body a chance to recuperate, to clear out toxins and heal itself. This seems like such a lost concept now, that our bodies can heal themselves to certain extents, and that when we do eat, food can be wonderful medicine. I'm not a fan of taking a pill for everything, how every little quirk or flux away from a 'normal' lifestyle is now labeled a disease or medical condition.

I usually feel refreshed the next day, with more energy and a clearer mind. There's a peace that comes too - I've also been meditating to help me be less of an angsty stress ball. In need of a bit more balance in my life, this path feels right for me.

After the holiday last week and poor food/drink choices over the weekend, my body is screaming for a break. No complaints though, it was a wonderful weekend!

Day 333 - quiet

Survived another gluttonous example of consumerism (ie black friday) by blissfully hiding away in my apartment with the pugs. I hope I never change my thoughts on about that day - I don't want to be caught up in the frenzy, see a thrill in battling others for some deal on something I don't really need. If I want some thing, I'll work for it and save up.

Feeling more true to myself in these last couple weeks - reconnecting with friends from Detroit is reminding me that there are a lot of people that were drawn to me for being myself, and are still here because if that.

Toyed with the idea of going out tonight, but I think I may stay in and get my book started.

Day 320 - Schism

I know the pieces fit cause I watched them fall away...

I'm afraid my thin mask to fit in with a normal group has cracked again. At least the second time I've basically had a panic attack, fight or flight response, to the pressures of fitting in. That's always fun, feeling like crawling out of your skin so much all you can do is run from the situation.

I know the pieces fit cause I watched them tumble down...

Quirks in my personality, the very ones that drew me to goth clubs, culture and people in the first place, have been hidden behind a facade for a long time. There's an unspoken acceptance between people in that kind of underground subculture, we know we don't fit in with a huge amount of people. And those people feel equally out of place in our world.

I can't keep hiding, picking up this increasingly shattered mask. Besides, once you try putting the pieces back a couple times, it's never really the same, the cracks always show, larger each time. I'll use pieces when I need to, like with a client, but no more of this.

There was a time when the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away...

Day 319 - New inspiration

Think I've found a new, positive influence to keep me focused. I'm not going to let him in too much - I'm not wanting people close to me right now, but I can take some of his positive mindset and thoughts from a distance and allow them to help reshape me and my thinking. That and I don't want to scare him off or get too attached if it's not good for him.

Kicking my workouts up again and even fasting one day a week. Time to introvert for a while - I suppose that is making my few attempts at being social even more difficult, but I want to be more selective. I know which situations make me feel more out of place than usual, and it's time to stop kidding myself into thinking those events will be just fine and I'll enjoy myself.

Day 309 - Girlie thaang

As much as I don't like to concede, there are definitely things in life assigned to masculine or feminine that I agree with. Mani/pedi = girls; in depth knowledge and ownership of tools = boys. Not saying those things don't cross over gender lines.

Lately, for many reasons, I've been feeling very tomboy based on my music, decent tool collection for a girl in an apartment (ok, the crow bar and saw were my dad's purchases but I know how to use them), construction knowledge, and guys I've run into.

I'm feeling like I have too many points in the 'man' category right now, especially with this little quest of mine. Quick...I need to tap into my background and decorate some shit! Or paint my nails..or something..i don't even know!! Ahhh...

Day 303 - This is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween...

Sadly, yet again no costume for me. It's been at least 10 or so years since I dressed up, thinking I'm long overdue. Trying to plan ahead for next year, need to come up with something major for next year. Suggestions? I want something iconic, memorable and awesome without being slutty (sexy is good, slutty is bad)!

1. Hope everyone enjoys today!! Check out the revamped lists page I'm working on!

Day 295 - Sinking

Not entirely sure how one goes to an amazing concert, by one of their favorite bands for the last 20 years, and leave feeling elated and utterly depressed at the same time. And yet, somehow I managed this odd mix of emotion on monday night, after an incredible Pearl Jam concert.

The main thorn in my ass seems to be the desire to accomplish something great, that moves other people. I'm not picturing crowds screaming in front of me, as I can't sing. Writing could be an outlet, I think I'm decent when I try but being a successful author isn't easy by any means.

Maybe I'm stuck in my teenage years, back in the daydream of wanting to do something of note with my life. I need to just try, despite the voice in my head telling me that everyone goes through this phase, I should just shut up and get in line with my 9-5 and deal with it like everyone else.

Day 292 - Growing through

As much as I love architecture and the built environment, I also love to see nature growing back through the ruins of an abandoned building. As necessary as they are in today's society, I've always thought of highways as scars on Nature, cutting paths across her to suit the needs of mankind while disregarding other creatures or life. Of all the things mankind has overtaken, Nature may just have the power to return the favor.

Trees taking root in the cracks of a crumbling foundation, reaching towards the light streaming through a broken roof. Vines crawling over the bricks of a half demolished wall or overtaking power lines that pollute the green backdrop of a wooded area.

In fact, I've an unfinished tattoo that was supposed to represent this dichotomy - it was supposed to be a wrought iron fence with a vine twisting through it, but the line work is terrible. Looking to have it covered in a larger design of the same theme or changing out the wrought iron to gears and cogs with vines.

day 290 - peel back a layer

I've tried like hell to explain this, the thought there is some emotionally grandeur life behind the mask of monotony and everyday. That unknown for will read this and be awestruck...not so much, huh? Regular girl trying to cope in a somewhat normal manor? What do I know pf pain, of loss..I know enough to tuck that aside and focus on daily life...hardest loss I've dealt with fits in like lost puzzle piece....so many of us knew his true shape, but it was all too late..rip Andy

Day 285 - On a positive note

I guess I'm finally willing to fess up as to why some of my goals have been so slow to come to fruition - I just don't have the money to pay for the shooting lessons or Crossfit membership right now. Work in progress though, I'll get there eventually.

After reflecting this weekend, I've realized that since I've made this move I have become a much more patient person. The first leg of my move was really stressful and I was a pretty miserable person to be around. Now that I've settled though, I'm much more calm and can empathize a lot more with the people in my life.

I think the change is setting helped me a lot, not being around so many, for lack of better word, toxic people, has helped me grow to this point. Of course I'm not all patience and calm, still have my moments that I wish the rest of humanity would just stay away.

Day 281 - research

Last weekend I went to a screening of the original zombie movie that started it all, 'Night of the Living Dead,' in one of the largest and most historic cemeteries in the Philly area. Pretty amazing night - planning to take a couple tours through that cemetery to learn a bit more. Edgar Allen Poe lived in Philly for about 6 years and wrote some of his classics here - the cemetery has a tour devoted to Poe.

I digress...really enjoyed the movie for 2 reasons. 1) Ben is the original zombie fighting badass. 2) Wow am I happy female characters have moved away from the Barbras and Judys!

Day 280 - thanks for your cooperation

Chronic illness would defiantly be a big factor for survivors, almost an added bonus level to the 'survival of the fittest.'

Seems my own chronic health issue is giving me fits the last couple weeks - nothing serious, recurring bouts of mono, but a problem nonetheless. A nice big fuck you to the germies in my system that demand I sleep at least 8-9 hours a nght, wake up feeling exhausted, and need to have enough energy to drive home from work without falling asleep behind the wheel.

No, please, make yourself at home. It's not as if I have plans to workout as often as possible or finally get around to some of my other goals.

Day 264 - The road is paved with good intentions

I had every intention of making this a stellar kickoff month to a new lifestyle - eating very clean, no alcohol at all and working out like crazy. If only intention = action or follow through, because yet again I've not followed through with my plans. Bummer.

Disappointing, yes, but I can't dwell on that, just need to screw my head back on straight, get back up and go after this again. I'll get there...at some point...

Day 246 - Challenge

I've decided to do a modified paleo challenge over the next month to try to get my measurements going in the right direction (down). I was very bummed this weekend to realize physically things are worse than when I left STL. I really wanted to roll around on the floor crying, but tantrums won't solve anything.

Limited dairy, limited whole grains, no alcohol, mostly fruit, veggies & lean protein. Stepping up the workouts at the the same time : aiming for 2 a days as often os possible but at least on the days i can workout at lunch. Managed my first 2 a day today!!

If i don't see progress after this month, not sure what else I can do...hate that being healthy/in shape is such a challenge for me.

Day 244 - time warp

Occured to me today that year one is nearly 2/3 over and I've alot to do from my list. Part of me wishes time would slow down a little so I can do more, but the other part wants to fast forward another whole year to when I have new goals in mind.

And yes, I did take a step to the right as I started writing...your welcome for getting that song stuck in your head!

Day 238 - Words in the night

I'm really excited my creativity is coming back to life, started outlining a couple scenes potentially for a book last night. Also toying with another idea for a photography collection, focusing on decaying architecture; I find an odd combination of saddness, hope, sentimentality and beauty in the fallen form of a building.

Most of these have come to me in the middle of the night over the last 4 nights. Its as if the calm of night, peace from the world, hiding in the darkness, allows one's mind to follow paths it shys from under the light of the sun. Lovely, if not for early alarms and long days at work.

I've always wanted to take a long weekend, check into a b&b, and write. Preferably in tge fall, on a porch wrapped in a blanket watching the leaves being tossed around. Maybe tgis year, feels long overdue.

Day 237 - dating and the apocalypse

Is it wrong of me to wish there were a zombie apocalypse soon just so that I have an excuse not to date right now? Feeling like I should venture into the dating pool again, it's been a long, long time, but it just seems so confusing and silly. I don't remember how I'm supposed to act, what's inappropriate at what time, all that bs that has come to be the rules for dating.

Maybe that's the problem, trying to fit the mold of a 'datable' woman and conducting myself as such...clearly I'm not the normal girl type to begin with.

If the apocalypse did happen, dating wouldn't be a concern at all, and neither would my introverted tendencies that make me feel like I'll always be alone (sometimes i really like that thought).

Day 235 - sweat it out

Went from nothing but walking to/from train station to 4, hopefully 5, workouts this week. Signed up for the gym at my jobsite so I can row again - rowing is a key component of crossfit and i love how many muscles are involved. New baseline time estsblished this week, so now I can measure my progress against that. I've come to like walking away from a workout dripping sweat, it's a strange validation of my effort, just like callouses from crossfit.

Still a long way to go before I reach my physical goals. Much more about being self confident than hoping guys find me attractive, although that is a component here. Right now, I don't like the way I look, and don't expect a guy I'm attracted to to like it either. If I want the whole package, shouldn't I offer the same?

And before any of you say, "if he's worth it he'll like you just the way you are," this battle ultimately is not about that. I don't like it, so I can either complain or do everything I can to change. It's also not just vanity, it's about being strong and healthy. I've a hoard of heredity health problems staring me down, and I can fight some of them by controlling my nutrition and weight.

New beginnings

I'm almost 100% unpacked and finally settled in to Philadelphia! Just 1 box to unpack and 2-3 trips to recycling to rid myself of the empty boxes.

Started working out again this week - felt so good to wake up this morning with sore muscles. Planning to sign up at my job site so I can start rowing in the mornings or at lunch, then a little more cardio/weights at my apt gym in the evening. Really not happy with my body the way it is (never have been actually), so the only thing to do is kick working out into high gear or become comfy with it the way it is - I'm obviously not getting comfy any time soon!

Work atmosphere is a world of difference, although I'm onsite with a client most of the time, the new office is much less negative/toxic and I find myself being more positive.

I'm finding myself more motivated and determined now to get this right for myself, pull all the pieces together. Looking forward to writing more, not just on here but trying to put some ideas together for a book. Lots to do....

Day ? who cares, I'm ready to do this!!

Moving closer to the city this coming weekend. SO ready to pull myself out of this purgatory and keep moving ahead.

First task after move and unpacking: start working out again. I don't think crossfit is in the budget right now, but tge new complex has a small gym I can make work for a few months.

Second, its about damn time those shooting lessons started. I'm hoping to try to throw in archery lessons too; with fall hunting season coming in a couple months I'm hoping to find a lot of class offerings.

Day 181 - continuing in limbo

I'd love to report I've been off, exploring the city or making headway on my goals, but that's not really the case. Holding back on most things still, waiting until I'm really settled in to let loose, take advantage of my new surroundings.

Not too long now, little less than 1 month.

Day 168 - real food

Eating natural has some brilliant moments...like when you really taste butter for the first time in years. I feel like I'm having a 'V for Vendetta' moment here....

Day 162 - resetting

Move part 2 is set to happen at the end of next month. Until then, I am left in this mostly wooded suburban limbo of long commutes with nothing to entertain myself with on the weekends. Perfect time to start adding in crossfit inspired home workouts, cleaning up my eating habits and recouping after a couple months of stress. Part of the beauty of crossfit is that the activities are meant to mimic natural movements, like squatting to pick something up or lifting an object. This also means a lot of the exercises are easily done at home with no special equipment.

Starting small during the week due to time and low energy level from illness, a few exercises on 1 muscle group per night. On the weekends, when it doesn’t matter if I wake up, workout, then go back to sleep, I will push things more. Sad that I am sore from the little I did last night, but I miss this type of pain. Sore muscles = accomplishment, moving forward, closer to my dream of looking like that comic book badass i have in my mind.

I’ve a new physical goal to add: in addition to unassisted pull ups (kipping is ok though), I want to be able to complete a round of handstand pushups. Why I am setting myself to fall straight onto my head, I’m not exactly sure, but the thrill of proving myself wrong about my physical abilities with the wall walk was an addictive one. I’d like for these to happen next year – hoping to start at another box at the end of this year.

Day 154 - Routines of the Undead

Walking out of the train station on my way home from work, I watched all the people around me (including myself), walk out to their usual parking spots, following the daily routine of work.

Taking a cue from Romero's notion that the undead returned to a place they were familiar with, I started wondering - how long would some lingering, habitual behavior in life hold on into the daily routine of the undead? Of course, until the desire to feed overwhelmed any trace of human life in the poor soul.

Would it vary depending on the length and depth of the entrenched habit? Say, someone who has taken the same way to work, worked in the same cubicle, retraced their steps daily for 15-20 years, would be much more prone to somehow repeat that behavior for a time after turning?

Day ? - Still haven't counted

My calender is still packed in a box somewhere, and doing math isn't one of my better skills at the moment...or ever (calculus was a deciding factor in interior designer vs architect career choice). I've decided not to unpack everything since I want to be in the city sooner rather than later.

Apropos post title, little to do with numbers however. Wishing I could understand why this move, going somewhere I barely visited, with 1 friend in tow and 2 brilliant friends a coupke hours away, doesn't count to me as doing something courageous.

I know plenty of people that wouldn't take the risk, make such a choice essentially alone. Way i saw and still see it, I didn't have much of a choice anymore. This move, take this chance, or suffer, maybe leave career field completely. So, to me at least, this still hasn't counted.

Perhaps cutting myself some slack should go on my to-do list...yep, right behind growing 6", dating an actor I have a crush on, and shooting lightning from my fingers...

Day ??? - Where have you been?

Did you miss me, cause I missed you?!

No, I've not abandoned my journey, just been over run (or run over, take your pick on the verbiage) with a multi-state move. Somehow I've managed to become a resident of the Garden State, although not as surprising as the idiotic time I ended up living in Houston, TX. The east coast fashion is getting to me and I may actually buy skinny jeans or pants, despite not being skinny myself.

Happy to say, despite some major stumbles, I have landed for the time being. Living situation isn't perfect, but its safe, with a roof over my head and no roaches or frat boys that I've seen. Commute is terrible, but work is already night and day different in all the ways I had hoped for. That was the point of this move, better work life, career goals, being treated like I have a brain...

Already looking for a place downtown, and by some dumb luck I only need to give proper notice to break my current lease. Looking at areas with a lot of activity, feeling the need to break myself out of my isolation that was STL. I can do that anywhere, be a hermit anytime, but really its time to break all those behaviors.

Not sure financials will allow me to keep up the crossfit, but I've been trying to find shooting and archery lessons that I can save for.

Adaptability is key, right? When one route doesn't work, find or create another! More posts to come, I promise....unless some spray tanned walkers catch up to me!!!

Day 91 - Armored What?!

One thing I have been pondering since the beginning of this hypothetical experienment, is what would happen to my dogs? Just about any serious prepper will say to leave pets behind, as they will only consume resources, attention and energy.

That's easier said than done. I can't even watch "I am Legend" because its easy to guess what happens to that dog.

I've pondered building some kind of armor for them, but there's a few problems with that. 1) Pugs are not the most athletic dogs and probably couldn't carry the extra weight. Not to mention Guinness won't even move if I put a harness on him, just sits there looking like I'm torturing him. 2) They would still run up to every zombie and want attention.

The thought of a steam punk mini-tank, guided by a pug does make me laugh, despite the impracticality.

Guessing they would need to be treated like small kids, traveling to safety would be the most precarious time, but once I found a secure location and they are only allowed out while under close watch, they should be alright for a little while.

Day 90 - Shelter

What is your ideal shelter if zombies take over? A bunker? Fortress?

I've a #1 pick, but want to see what others come up with.

Day 84 - Change of scenery

It's official, I'm transferring. Details still need to be hammered out, the move won't happen until the last move for my current work project takes place in mid-April, but I'm SO excited.

This is my opportunity to prove I have the skills to be a designer, or what other aspect of this profession I can succeed in. My time to move for me, not following a guy around while his career takes off and my stagnates. Time to close some wounds up, stop holding back from life, and begin again.

Can't wait - is it too early to start counting the days (probably since I don't even have an exact date yet!)?

Day 78 - Spirits of the Past

I was never able to really know 3 of my 4 grandparents. My paternal grandpa died before I was born, paternal grandma when I was about 3 and my maternal papa when I was almost 10. I was honored to have my maternal grandmother move in with my family and share with me her life until I moved out of the house around age 20.

While I love hearing stories about all of them, my favorite ones are my Dad's of his father. Grandpa Frank was a character, Italian through and through. A favorite tale of mine tells of his time spent as a bootlegger during prohibition, and an accident that blew the roof off the house while making a batch of whiskey. There is another story of him being shot while running from the police, but we'll save that for another time.

So many of the skills that would help make a person a formidable, contributing member of a group of survivors, are the same ones our grandparents embraced (canning, farming, living within your means). Whiskey making runs in my family, so I may need to add distilling to my list of activites - that would be a great bartering tool, and potential weapon.

At the very least, I can be ferschnoshked when zombies overrun the world.

Day 77, #2 - On a lighter note

Really good workout at a Crossfit fundamentals class. Happily, I don't always take everything in life so serious, as proved by a near giggle fit when my trainer said to remember to keep 'violent hips' at the apex of my squat.

Yes, I was transformed back into an immature 12 year old. Good times...

Day 77 - Missing a Muse

Over the weekend, I asked some of my facebook people to come up with topics to write about here. My mom suggested writing about my inspiration or people I look up to.

Sad to say, at this point, I'm not sure what inspires me or even what I'm really passionate about. I am loving writing again, but the chances of that becoming a full time career are fairly astronomical. I was passionate about design, that's why I entered this field in the first place, but the workplace politics and lack of design oriented focus have squashed a lot of that fire.

Not to get all existential, but how exactly does one go about finding these things like inspiration?

Day 71 - Donkey Kong

All this news of a father hacking Donkey Kong so that his young daughter could play as the princess rescuing Mario is a great case in point as to why I am drawn to graphic novels. There are still a lot of damsel in distress types and the over-sexing of heroines is a little annoying sometimes, but I think the genre offers stronger female characters than most in literature.

When I was a baby Melissa, I was definitely a Barbie girl. At one point I even wanted to be a professional cheerleader - you'd have to know me personally to understand how completely opposite my personality is to that of a cheerleader (stop laughing, you may fall out of your chair). It was probably around age 10 or 11 that my cousin's love for comics (graphic novels as well, but for simplicity I am just typing comics although the 2 are differnt) wore off on me.

From that point on, I geared towards characters like Storm or Psylocke: smart, strong and perfectly capable of holding their own. Now I love seeing characters like Michonne fill that independent female role.

Hence, part of my motivation for this little journey. I certainly don't want to be the damsel - I'd much rather be the bad-ass girl rescuing the boy.

Day 70 - Back to Basics

For some reason, I am really drawn to the idea of an Atlas Shrugged type community that shirks corporate responsibility and politics in favor of a return to simplier times. Don't get me wrong, I've no illusion that it would be easy work to do tasks like farming, but more fulfilling in the sense that everything you do has some type of direct return.

Maybe my antisocial, damn the man tendencies are just on overdrive right now. Who ever thought of this 5 day work week, wasting your life away to pay for essentials like food and shelter, was an idiot.

What would be the thing you missed the most if life as we knew it ended and we (being people) would need to go back to a similar, basic way of life?

Day 69 - Jerks

I've sucked at this blogging thing lately...have my head up my ass fretting about possible move, beating myself with my bad habit, and fending off an older guy I'm 98% sure is married.

I swear I must give off some pheromone that only these creeps can pick up. Older is fine to me, but why the married ones?! Granted, I shamefully went there once, but I've learned my lesson. Ugh...

Day 62 - MIA

Interesting  2 weeks or so, punctuated by minor concussion, trip to interview for job transfer, and feeling like a blob because my eating sucked, not to mention working out is frowned upon with a head injury.

Back to it this week  - using today as cooking day so healthy meals are ready to eat, plan to workout 4 to 5 days this week (still aiming for the elusive 2 a day). Even doing a bit of a detox cleanse starting this week, including apple cider vinegar shots, which, let me tell you x_x yuck! Weird though, I feel a bit buzzed after taking one. Aiming for 100% paleo for the next month, including the no alcohol part.

Holding off on shooting and archery lessons until I know more about this transfer. I don't want to invest the money if I may be packing up and moving several states over. But, I need that move more right now than target practice. Trying to forget people that were bad for me would be infinitely easier if I didn't physically see them.   Don't get me wrong, they weren't bad people and I learned from them, but I need to move on.

Also have a short story swirling in my head, but not sure if I want to write it down. I'm on the fence about the while fan fiction thing and not thrilled my story would fall into that category.

Day 50 - Passing time

I know some of my friends back home have heard this, done it themselves and expanded on this little form of  amusement.

Found myself in a rather dull meeting yesterday, so I looked around trying to figure out, if zombies stormed the building, 1) where would I go, 2) what could be used as a weapon, 3) who would be the best to fight with and 4) who is bait.

My answers yesterday:

1) I'm doomed because there is only 1 way in and out.

2) Shit...don't tell me my pen is the best thing, unless I could get one of the table legs off. There's a hot plate...wtf, why is there a hot plate in what used to be a legal library?? Damn lawyers, always doing shady stuff.

3 & 4 are my secret, just in case another coworker read this.

Day 47 - Head east...maybe..

Still freaking out a little. Looks as if a job transfer that I hoped for last year may take place soon - good for my career, but I'm in a funk over this. Should be happy about it, its a chance to start fresh, in a place completely of my choosing (not following my ex around), putting distance between myself and an unrequited love..

I've spent a lot of time the last few years putting life on hold until I did move. When this year started, I promised myself to stop doing that. I had become content with the idea of staying for another year or so, paying down debts, finishing my certifications, and then looking to move ahead. I love my Crossfit box, my trainer is amazing and most of the other members I've talked to are super encouraging and supportive.

Set myself back a bit by turning to my old standbys of carbs and comfort food. Did get a good workout in this morning, going back tomorrow to at least row 5,000m. I need to learn to take life as it comes a little more.

Day 43 - Paleo

I can completely see how Paleo diet makes sense, as much as I hate giving up whole grains. Standing in line at the store tonight, disregarding my wineo habits altogether, I tried to imagine all the processed, artificial crap falling aside and leaving only the real stuff...maybe 15 or 25%.

Needless to say, I am a huge fan of local products. My grandma didn't buy or eat all the crap we do now. I'll expand more later, but crap in, crap out, and most of our food is crap.

I adore the current 'craft' movement, away from the junk  back to real ingredients.

Day 41 - Curveball

Just when I've figured out and accepted a plan for the next year of my life (financially, location, career, working out), I may have an unexpected curveball heading my way. I don't want to go in detail yet, but I'm a bit freaked out at the moment. Good news, just thought the opportunity had slipped by, and I was ok waiting to make another run at it next year.

And no, not pregnant, don't even go there (unless you really believe in immaculate conception).

Now to calm down and finish dorking out on the 'Walking Dead' marathon. I've tried to avoid references to the show, but its easy to figure out that by this blog that I am a fan. I love how the characters' development and interactions are much more important than the gore of a hoard attack.

Day 37 - You going to finish that?

In classic Melissa style, I failed to notice my post yesterday cut off...thankfully I have smart friends to catch me on this crap.

So, my question should have been along the lines of, how would modern society deal without our phones, computers, tablets and instant gratification? I was good without some apps, but no banking access or Amazon?

Day 36 - End of accidental experiment

Remember what it was like without internet? Without the ability to pick up some bit of technology, type in a couple words or make a couple clicks  be taken to people, answer a question or post some mindless drivel? Well, my modem kicked the bucket about 10 days ago.

Having my phone as my only means to digitally access the interweb was weird, bit isolating since most of the people I talk to are out of state. Makes you wonder what life would be like, if long term our technology failed us, how a

Day 29 - Lost my damn mind again

Hooray - successfully skipped my beloved wine for a week and a half, only to break down on Saturday, drink too much, and send one of my infamous emails...I do not envy the person on the receiving end of those semi-rational rants.

And let me tell you, I LOVE that feeling in the morning when you cringe at the memory of hitting the send button rather than saving it until you've had some coffee and bacon the next afternoon. Completely rock star of me.

Back up and at it though, no time to mope around and beat myself up. I've training to carry on - off to Crossfit again tonight!

Day 22 - For shame

The world seems to be going crazy...let me be clear on something real quick. Just because I want to learn to shoot, I may never own a gun.

I don't feel that old, but I was able to be a child and a teen without worrying about an armed lunatic rampaging through the school.

As I said before, people scare me more than zombies would.

Day 21 - owie

Third Crossfit workout tonight. Tried to do wall squats, but went down once and my legs are so fatigued I couldn't get back up! So, it was jumping pull-ups, push-ups (walking back up because I couldn't push back up), sit- ups and a 1,000 meter row.

Decent start I think! I may be walking like a 90 year old for a couple weeks, but I'm looking forward to the time when I can do push- ups and pull- ups without any modifications.

Now, excuse me while I pass out despite the muscle pains.

Day 18 - Bring on the pain

When I first had the idea for this blog, I researched zombie survival fitness classes. First problem I ran into, is that there are no groups around my area.

Second, they all seemed parqour based. I could see how jumping and sprinting would help, but running up a wall, flipping on the way down...not so much.

I think I found a good way to reach my overall fitness goals, through a more well rounded approach - crossfit.

As much as I loved boxing, crossfit should help more of my body get to where I want it. Had my intro class tonight, first official class will be tomorrow morning. I'll take things slow in the beginning to master form and technique, then my trainer will unleash hell on me.

I'm oddly excited to begin the physical torture I signed up for. I really need this type of challenge right now.

Day 14 - How does it start?

While hauling ass on the elliptical tonight, I was pondering how the epidemic starts. Interesting question, with several possibilities.

In a traditional voodoo zombification, the cause is a potion or spell, cast or given to a person. This then causes them to die, and come back as mindless, slow creatures. I suppose a mass spell could be cast, but the potion seems easier to deliver and release.

Then there is the viral train of thought that seems most prevalent. transmitted by airborne pathogens or infected through a bite would that passes some mutated gene.

Course chemicals, similar to poison, could do it too.

Thoughts, corrections, omissions?

Day 11

Having a hard time getting a response about beginner shooting lessons somewhere that doesn't cater to non- police types. Almost seems like archery will be easier, with spring approaching soon.

Day 6

I honestly think I fear the living - the ones with hearts pumping blood and conscious minds - more then those things...they can only kill you, you don't feel it when they eat your dead body. Living people can rip your heart out while you still have air in your lungs, or torment you, torture you.

Give me a hoard over people almost any day once I'm prepared.

Day 3 - Zombies & Temperature

Over the holidays, my sister and I started debating if zombies were like reptiles, needing warmth to move more fluently. Would they be slower in frigid climates? Would the cold give them a longer undead lifespan by impeding decomposition?

I suppose that would all depend on what caused their transformation in the first place and the mechanics by which they reanimate.

I love theoretical debates like this!

Day 2 x_ x

It's worse than I feared...my time running around the office, eating junk when I did eat, and drinking like a fish set me back. Worked out today and let me tell you, I'd be zombie bait rather than Hunter right now.

Day 1, Take 2

Time to start this over. Don't think of this as a new year resolution, just a good time to kick things off again now that work should be calmer and holidays are over.

I did manage to learn a little at home beauty product making. Not a particularly useful skill in the face of zombies, but as a single survivor, I don't want to smell bad.