Day 238 - Words in the night

I'm really excited my creativity is coming back to life, started outlining a couple scenes potentially for a book last night. Also toying with another idea for a photography collection, focusing on decaying architecture; I find an odd combination of saddness, hope, sentimentality and beauty in the fallen form of a building.

Most of these have come to me in the middle of the night over the last 4 nights. Its as if the calm of night, peace from the world, hiding in the darkness, allows one's mind to follow paths it shys from under the light of the sun. Lovely, if not for early alarms and long days at work.

I've always wanted to take a long weekend, check into a b&b, and write. Preferably in tge fall, on a porch wrapped in a blanket watching the leaves being tossed around. Maybe tgis year, feels long overdue.

Day 237 - dating and the apocalypse

Is it wrong of me to wish there were a zombie apocalypse soon just so that I have an excuse not to date right now? Feeling like I should venture into the dating pool again, it's been a long, long time, but it just seems so confusing and silly. I don't remember how I'm supposed to act, what's inappropriate at what time, all that bs that has come to be the rules for dating.

Maybe that's the problem, trying to fit the mold of a 'datable' woman and conducting myself as such...clearly I'm not the normal girl type to begin with.

If the apocalypse did happen, dating wouldn't be a concern at all, and neither would my introverted tendencies that make me feel like I'll always be alone (sometimes i really like that thought).

Day 235 - sweat it out

Went from nothing but walking to/from train station to 4, hopefully 5, workouts this week. Signed up for the gym at my jobsite so I can row again - rowing is a key component of crossfit and i love how many muscles are involved. New baseline time estsblished this week, so now I can measure my progress against that. I've come to like walking away from a workout dripping sweat, it's a strange validation of my effort, just like callouses from crossfit.

Still a long way to go before I reach my physical goals. Much more about being self confident than hoping guys find me attractive, although that is a component here. Right now, I don't like the way I look, and don't expect a guy I'm attracted to to like it either. If I want the whole package, shouldn't I offer the same?

And before any of you say, "if he's worth it he'll like you just the way you are," this battle ultimately is not about that. I don't like it, so I can either complain or do everything I can to change. It's also not just vanity, it's about being strong and healthy. I've a hoard of heredity health problems staring me down, and I can fight some of them by controlling my nutrition and weight.

New beginnings

I'm almost 100% unpacked and finally settled in to Philadelphia! Just 1 box to unpack and 2-3 trips to recycling to rid myself of the empty boxes.

Started working out again this week - felt so good to wake up this morning with sore muscles. Planning to sign up at my job site so I can start rowing in the mornings or at lunch, then a little more cardio/weights at my apt gym in the evening. Really not happy with my body the way it is (never have been actually), so the only thing to do is kick working out into high gear or become comfy with it the way it is - I'm obviously not getting comfy any time soon!

Work atmosphere is a world of difference, although I'm onsite with a client most of the time, the new office is much less negative/toxic and I find myself being more positive.

I'm finding myself more motivated and determined now to get this right for myself, pull all the pieces together. Looking forward to writing more, not just on here but trying to put some ideas together for a book. Lots to do....