No, I didn't forget how to count in my long absence from writing here. Feels like I've been a zombie - not just for these past quiet months, but for the last few years. Buried my unhappiness, insecurities, bitterness over a few relationships gone wrong, walled myself into my apartment indulging in bad habits. Sure, the numbing worked just fine on the things I wanted to hide from, but also from just about everything.
Last week I made a decision to just stop the bad things, deal with my past and get back to me in my unfiltered, non-wine consuming form. Maybe I can focus on my passions again, once I figure out what those are at this point in my life. Maybe I can be a better daughter, sister, friend, and potentially girlfriend to someone that has been tremendously patient with me over the past 5-6 months.
I started this to motivate me, and to be perfectly honest, it hasn't worked because I wasn't ready to really commit myself to all the effort that was needed. I'm the heaviest I've been my entire life, spent increasing amounts of time and money doing nothing but sitting on my couch with a beverage.
Today is day 7 - I've been stretching and doing poses nightly, have done 3 great cardio workouts this week, and am starting to clean up my eating. I did break down and have pizza (which I paid for), but no alcohol. Just don't ask me to give up caffeine yet.
I'm already feeling more accomplished, clearer mind, calmer. Making plans -day trip to Gettysburg sometime soon, NYC Comic Con in October, signing up at a cheap gym tomorrow.
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